What is your formula for respect?
You’ve heard the sayings: Respect is earned, not given. Respect is for those who deserve it, not for those who demand it. Respect yourself and others will respect you. Respect is a two-way street; if you want to get it, you have to give it.
Many of us were brought up with the admonition to respect our elders. We’re told frequently to respect veterans, active-duty military and first-responders. Self-help books and blogs are obsessed with respect, especially self-respect and disrespect. An entire cultural discussion started with an NFL player’s supposed lack of respect for the U.S. National Anthem.
If you’re in an online neighborhood group, chances are you’ve seen discussions about the homeless crisis. There’s a wide spectrum of opinions on solutions to the problem, but it seems to me that it boils down to two sides: those who respect people who are unhoused, and those who don’t.
I guess you could split hairs and say that not everyone deserves respect, but every person should be treated with dignity. That would be a good start. But is someone who doesn’t meet the bar of job-holding, residence-dwelling, culture-conforming existence automatically disqualified from respect?
I was caught in an unusual (for me) situation this weekend when I went to visit someone at the hospital. As I was getting out of my car, a man leaning against the outside of the building asked me to call 911. He looked unwell, and I immediately did as he asked.
He looked clean, and his clothes were appropriate for a 90-degree day. He told me he’d just gotten out of the hospital a couple of hours earlier, and he felt like he was having a heart attack, but he couldn’t find his way back into the hospital.
It crossed my mind that he might not have a home, but it didn’t occur to me not to help him. The 911 operator transferred me to the ambulance dispatcher, who had an ambulance on the way as soon as I gave the location.
I directed the man to get into the shade on the other side of the street, and we were chatting when the ambulance arrived. There was a two-person crew: a younger-looking man and a middle-aged woman. The man was soft-spoken and courteous, but the woman immediately started treating my new friend as though he were a criminal. She verbally attacked him, and then she verbally attacked me, using language not suitable for a family website.
I asked for her name and badge number, and she laughed and said she didn’t have one. So I did what any American would do in 2021 – I pulled out my phone and started taking pictures of her. She yelled at me that I couldn’t do that, and she tried to grab the phone out of my hand and knocked it to the sidewalk. She then said she was calling the police on me – for what, I do not know – but I said goodbye to my new buddy and hustled to my car and drove off, thinking of Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant” the whole time.
I drove a few blocks and then parked and tried to calm down. I’d never been treated like that, and I’d never seen anyone treated like that. It was obvious that she thought he was homeless and a nuisance, and her wrath spilled over onto me because I was trying to stand up for him.
For what it’s worth, based on my age and physical appearance, I am no threat to anyone. I don’t even kill spiders. But she enjoyed wielding any power she thought she had, and my buddy and I reaped the benefits.
Intimidating people is not a display of power, and it’s certainly not a show of respect. I hate to think about how many people that woman has treated in a similar fashion. It’s a wonder they all haven’t had heart attacks.
◊ On a lighter note, the new Aretha Franklin bio-pic, “Respect,” opens in theaters on Friday, Aug. 13. Jennifer Hudson plays the Queen of Soul, and she visited Franklin’s hometown of Detroit over the weekend in a display of respect.
In the early days of “American Idol,” when I was still watching the show, Hudson was a favorite of mine. She has been through a lot since those years, but she has absolutely earned respect as a singer, an actor and a human being. Kudos.
Betsy Pickle is a veteran reporter and editor who occasionally likes to share her opinions with KnoxTNToday readers.