Mama had plenty of sayings that made little sense to me when I was young. I understood the words, but I didn’t always understand the lesson tucked inside them.
One I heard more than once was, “Pretty is as pretty does.”
Mama wasn’t limited to one way of making her point. “Beauty is only skin deep” was another reminder, as was “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” Different words, same lesson: What we see on the outside doesn’t tell us nearly as much as what comes from the inside.
As a child, I thought pretty was something you could see. Pretty was a new dress, although the tomboy in me hated the pretty dress. It was carefully combed hair, polished shoes — usually patent leather, which I also detested — and looking your best before you walked out the door.
Mama knew better.
“Pretty is as pretty does” was her way of saying appearance might make the first impression, but behavior tells people who you really are.
You could be dressed beautifully and still be unkind. You could have perfect manners in public and treat your family poorly at home. Someone who never considered themself particularly pretty could become beautiful in the eyes of others simply because of the way they treated people.
Mama’s definition of pretty had much more to do with character than a mirror.
Years later, as an educator, I began to understand exactly what she meant. Children have a remarkable way of showing us what is important.
The child who noticed someone sitting alone and moved over to make room was pretty. So was the student who helped a classmate without being asked or admitted, “I did it,” when blaming someone else would have been easier.
Those moments reminded me that character isn’t something we simply talk about. Character is what we do.
The older I get, the more I realize Mama’s lesson wasn’t only for children. Adults need the reminder, too.
Do we show up when someone needs us? Do we speak kindly when there is nothing to gain? Do we keep our word? Do we treat people with respect regardless of what they can do for us?
That’s where pretty lives.
Mama said, “Pretty is as pretty does.”
Turns out, she wasn’t talking about looks at all.
She was talking about character.
What Mama said: Life lessons you didn’t know you needed—until Mama said them.
Enjoyed this article. Read more What Mama Said… by Susan Espiritu.
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