I am happy to report that Dan and I now test negative for Covid. As those who have had it can testify, it is not fun. Illnesses or distressing situations often put me in a deep funk and can give rise to unhelpful thoughts.
“I’m never going to be well again.
“So, this is my life now.”
Common sense should tell me there is an end to most things, this too will pass, all those platitudes we tell ourselves, and while I know those sayings to be true, they are often drowned out by the story I am telling myself at the time, stories can often be clouded by negative thoughts, thoughts that drown out common sense, drown out the facts.
Something to notice. This is called the Tree of Shame. It is located at the end of a stretch of road known as The Dragon. Popular with motorcyclists and sports car owners, this 11-mile stretch of US 129 contains 318 curves. Dangerous, but fun for motorcycle riders.
As my health and energy return, as whatever situation caused my negativity resolves itself, my story/my thoughts improve. My mind frees up. I can remember the little pieces of loveliness that float by us every day, those hidden corners of happiness that help make up everyday life.
When I pay attention, I see those large and small things that make the everyday better, interesting, possibly delightful. I know of a man who watches movies without the sound on. He likes to sit and make up the story instead of hearing the actors’ lines. In a recent interview with NPR Fresh Air host Terry Gross, the singer/songwriter Tom Waits said that when driving he used to talk to his imaginary children riding in the back seat.
This week was my six-month pacemaker checkup. While running the pacemaker diagnostics, the technician noticed some unusual outside electrical interference. We have seen this before but have never been able to discern where it’s coming from. The technician said, “There was some interference at 6:30 this morning. What were you doing then?” I told him I was sitting in my recliner on my porch, drinking coffee and petting my cat. I went on to tell him as he purrs, my cat likes to push his head up under my hair and put a paw around my neck. The technician laughed and said my cat’s purring was the electrical interference. Absolutely lovely.
Once I was hiking with some friends when we came to a fast moving, large stream. I was near the back of the group and as we moved forward, I said, “We’re going to cross THAT?” They laughed, moved over and I saw a sturdy bridge.
I have on my refrigerator a prayer I ran across a few years ago. I can’t seem to find the author, so I will say unknown. When I remember to read it, it helps me. It goes as follows:
“Dear Lord, There are no little things, are there? I mean, You know that, but we forget. Nothing’s little. Everything’s huge and holy and so stuffed with miracles that the miracles leak out, laughing. Thanks.”
Things large and small. Things that give rise to thoughts. Things that cause a laugh. Things that bring beauty. They are here, they can be noticed. They can drown out those negative inner conversations and thoughts. They need to be remembered, uncovered.
Cindy Arp retired from Knox County Schools as a teacher and librarian. She and husband Dan live in Heiskell. And she goes hiking once a week – even in a forest fire.